Congratulations, YOU HAVE FOUND A HIDDEN FILE. Go ahead and read if you like, but please keep in mind that I have hidden these for a reason. These are bad or controversial works that I am more ashamed of than my other work ... or in the words of Shakespeare
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended—
That you have but slumbered here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend.
If you pardon, we will mend.

Disclaimer 1: Most of this is fanfic. That means I do not own any of it. I just borrow it to play with for a little while and let people see the pathetic results if they really want to.

Disclaimer 2: I'm not making any money from it. It's just for fun.

Disclaimer 3: What isn't borrowed is all made up. None of this is real or most likely at all realistic. Please don't trust any of the information in here. Most likely you know more about whatever I'm writing about than I do.

Disclaimer 4: Attitudes, views and opinions expressed by the characters or in the story are not necessarily those of the author. Even when writing Science Fiction or Fantasy I do not tend to attempt to create perfect/better worlds in which everybody gets a happy end ... or whatever is best for them. Please accept that some characters will have a bad ending or be unhappy.

Disclaimer 5: I intend no insult to anyone. If I offend anyone I'm very sorry. Please understand that it was an accident as I tend to be very clumsy in these things.

Disclaimer 6: If my characters' conversations seem odd or they appear to be talking past each other the latter might occasionally be intentional, but most likely it is an accident and I'm not aware that they are. It's just my bad communication skills.

12 Days of Christmas Challenge Drabbles

“This is amazing,” the doctor said. “There are no traces of the cancer or the treatment.”

Loki stared at him. How could that be? Then he remembered the apple and his other self’s insistence that it could cure anything.

Outside the sun was shining and the birds singing. A perfect day for travelling, Loki thought on his way back to the train station. He was free and perfectly healthy. The only thing he lacked to be perfectly happy was his travelling companion.

There was a train to the airport before the one to Lower Tadfield. He’d call Sphinx from America.

“Isn’t it a bit beneath you?” Pepper asked when Wensleydale told her about his new job. “I mean, with your qualifications, you should …”

“It’s a job,” Wensledale said. “I get paid and I get a cheap room on top of it. I can finally move out of my parents’ house again. They’ve been driving me crazy.”

“You got good reverences from your last job,” Pepper pointed out. “If you wait, you ought to be able to find something at the same level at least.”

“Maybe,” Wensleydale agreed. “But this job’s working for Adam.”

Pepper had no argument against that.

“You’re not inviting Lucifer!”

“Of course I’m inviting him. It’d be an insult not to.”

“But I don’t want him to come.”

“We can’t well invite all the other demons and not Lucifer. What would that look like?”

“Then don’t invite them. I don’t want them there anyway.”

“We can’t invite everybody else at the manor and leave out the demons. Besides, we shouldn’t be prejudiced. So far they’ve all been very polite. You wouldn’t want us to give the first insult, would you?”

“I don’t want them there. They’ll ruin it.”

“Manners, Jesus!”

“But it’s my birthday party !”

“Eeep!” Aziraphale slammed the laptop shut and threw it away. Oh, no, no, no, that was not what he’d wanted.

He breathed a sigh of relief, then another of disappointment. Would he ever find a title he actually wanted to read on this horrible internet thing?

He eyed the laptop doubtfully. Should he make another attempt? Would it even still work after the way he’d just treated it?

“I’m so sorry,” he told the machine. “But all I want is to read some Wilde and you keep showing me those … those …”

“Wilde is in the library,” Gabriel commented.

There was a grey kitten lying in the sun right before the manor entrance and with a loud mew demanding scratches and ear-rubs from everybody that happened to come or go. Not everybody obeyed, but they all had to give the young cat their attention.

The Sphinx glared at the insolent creature. If it had been her in that position, she wouldn’t have demanded such ridiculous attentions and she wouldn’t have let anyone pass without obliging her. She’d have made a meal of anyone that didn’t answer her riddle.

Earl Grey looked up at her with innocent kitten eyes. “Mew!”

At last the dream problem was fixed and the first nightmare banished. Finally it was safe to sleep again.

Adam closed his eyes with a happy sigh. No more nightmares, only good dreams tonight.

“Hello Adam,” a husky voice greeted him. “Come and join me.”

He blinked and there she was on his bed in all her naked glory. She beckoned her breasts and leg shifting as she moved. Somehow a nervous step backwards only took him closer and then he felt her hands on his bare skin.

Adam shot up and out of his bed with a scream: “Ishtar!”

It is frustrating. While there is no lack of supernatural beings with destructive abilities in the manor none of them seem to be inclined towards world ending. Loki can’t decide whether it’s just laziness on their part or they are brainwashed.

An antichrist on a crusade to preserve the world, a war goddess preferring sex to wanton destruction, demons actually liking the world and the people in it … The angels are hopeless causes anyway, except for Michael who says he needs orders from above.

He doesn’t even want to think about the embarrassment of being told no by himself.

She couldn’t completely control her powers, but that was a good thing. She couldn’t have existed in a world that was completely peaceful.

Of course Adam’s rules meant that she couldn’t allow a real war to break out in Lower Tadfield, not with tanks or bombs or even machine guns. Even Adam couldn’t stop her presence from causing simmering anger or outright arguments.

With a satisfied smile War leaned back and listened to the sounds of Loki and Uriel’s argument drifting in from the corridor while watching Crowley and Baraq’s silent, but no less devious fight over the TV remote.

“The servants’ entrance?” Could it get any worse?

He had almost expected being banned from entering the restaurant when Sister Mary had informed him she was well aware of his true identity. Not being allowed into the bar was a disappointment and detrimental to his social life, but he could, sort of, understand that as well.

“The restaurant staff have complained that their customers feel your effect whenever you pass through the lobby,” Sister Mary explained. “It’s bad for business.”

Famine sighed and lowered his head in defeat. He was too much businessman not to understand the dictates of money.

Dave the cleaner almost regretted having taken a week off for Christmas. His family had been so happy to see him and he’d had a wonderful time, but oh, how much work had piled up in his absence!

“Just look at this mess!” he exclaimed when he first saw the state the ballroom had been left in after the guest’s Christmas party. “That won’t even fit into the bin and I still have to clean up after the staff party as well!”

“No problem,” said Sister Mary. “Just dump the overflow into Pollution’s room and call it an extra service.”

“But I’m not even doing anything!” War exclaimed incredulously. “I swear it’s not my fault.”

Sister Mary didn’t seem to be blaming her, though, and Adam was too busy trying break up the fight to pay her any attention.

“Foul, treacherous spawn from the pit!” Michael roared shaking his struggling victim. “I’ll smite you and exorcise you and banish you back to Hell. And then I’ll tear you limb from limb!”

“No Michael, you won’t,” Adam repeated sternly. “Remember the rules. Put Lord Beelzebub down right now and apologise, or I will have to throw you out of the manor.”

“I can’t believe she didn’t even give me a chance,” Brian complained. “I mean, who’s ever heard of ending a job interview in under two minutes?”

“Well, Sister Mary has known you for a very long time,” Pepper hinted diplomatically. “I guess, she already knew she wasn’t going to hire you.”

“That’s the worst part,” Brian said. “I thought we were friends. She should know how trustworthy I am. You’d think she’d understand I’m the best choice for the job. It would have been a perfect fit.”

“Brian,” Pepper exclaimed losing her patience. “You applied for a job as a cleaner.”

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