Congratulations, YOU HAVE FOUND A HIDDEN FILE. Go ahead and read if you like, but please keep in mind that I have hidden these for a reason. These are bad or controversial works that I am more ashamed of than my other work ... or in the words of Shakespeare
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended—
That you have but slumbered here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend.
If you pardon, we will mend.


Disclaimer 1: Most of this is fanfic. That means I do not own any of it. I just borrow it to play with for a little while and let people see the pathetic results if they really want to.

Disclaimer 2: I'm not making any money from it. It's just for fun.

Disclaimer 3: What isn't borrowed is all made up. None of this is real or most likely at all realistic. Please don't trust any of the information in here. Most likely you know more about whatever I'm writing about than I do.

Disclaimer 4: Attitudes, views and opinions expressed by the characters or in the story are not necessarily those of the author. Even when writing Science Fiction or Fantasy I do not tend to attempt to create perfect/better worlds in which everybody gets a happy end ... or whatever is best for them. Please accept that some characters will have a bad ending or be unhappy.

Disclaimer 5: I intend no insult to anyone. If I offend anyone I'm very sorry. Please understand that it was an accident as I tend to be very clumsy in these things.

Disclaimer 6: If my characters' conversations seem odd or they appear to be talking past each other the latter might occasionally be intentional, but most likely it is an accident and I'm not aware that they are. It's just my bad communication skills.




The Birds And The Bees


Title: The Birds And The Bees
Fandom: Yami No Matsuei
Characters: Touda, Tenkou, SohRyu, Byakko, Suzaku, Rikugou (Kichin, Tsuzuki and Genbu mentioned)
Prompt: 027. Parents.
Word Count: 1.078.
Rating: PG.
Summary: Tenkou has an apparently innocent question.
Author's Notes: Special thanks to ineffableangel for her help with the last bit. It had a really odd end before that.



It was one of those busy days that could bore you to death. There was more than enough to do, but none of it was even remotely interesting or difficult. Mostly Touda was forwarding reports.

When the door opened behind him he almost hoped it would be SohRyu interrupting him with some emergency. Or Rikugou needing some hard to find bit of information. Or ... anyone really as long as it wasn’t Suzaku.

When nothing else happened for over a minute he looked over his shoulder to check.

Tenkou was sitting at one of the other terminals watching him.

“Hi there.”

“Hi,” she returned. “Are you busy?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll watch.”

She did that sometimes when she was very bored. Most of the others tended to throw her out of their workrooms, because they didn’t want a child underfoot, but in the beginning Touda hadn’t dared to be gruff with SohRyu’s children and experience had shown that it was unnecessary.

Tenkou was an almost alarmingly quiet and patient child and never even touched the computer. She was good at keeping out of people’s way. Sometimes she sat still for hours waiting quietly until he had time to talk or play.

He finished up the reports and set the search engine to work, then leaned back to indicate that he had a few moments to spare.

“Touda?”

“Yes?”

“What are parents?”

Huh? What in the world?

“Parents is a generic term for mothers and fathers.”

“Why?”

Oh, damn it. That was about the worst thing a child could say.

“Because it’s shorter than saying mother and father all the time, I suppose. It’s more practical to have one word for it.”

“Okay.”

Oh good. She wasn’t going to pester him with an endless string of whys today.

“But what exactly is a mother and father?” she asked after a moment. “I mean, SohRyu is my father. And Kijin’s too. He takes care of us and we live with him. But he takes care of you, too. And of Tsuzuki when he visits. You don’t call him father, though.”

What the? SohRyu his father? Taking care of him? SohRyu hated him! Was Tenkou really that clueless?

“No, he’s not. He’s my ... employer, I suppose. And you could probably call him my landlord as well.” Or maybe owner would be a better word, but he didn’t want to discuss that concept with Tenkou. It might confuse her about her relationship with Tsuzuki, if nothing else.

“So what is a father?” Tenkou repeated.

“Well, you see ...” Hadn’t SohRyu ever told his children about the birds and the bees? “You know how adults often have husbands and wives, or girlfriends and boyfriends, right?”

“Yes.” Tenkou nodded. “But what does that have to do with parents?”

“And most children have a mother and father,” Touda continued.

“Yes, but Kijin and I don’t. We only have a father.”

“Yes, but lets start with the other children, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Their mother and father are usually husband and wife. Or at least girlfriend and boyfriend.”

“Not always.” Tenkou interrupted him again.

“No, but in those cases they once were.” Touda hoped she wouldn’t challenge that. He didn’t like the idea of being the one to explain the concepts of one night stands and rape to SohRyu’s innocent little daughter. He’d understood these things when he’d been her age, yes, but he didn’t think SohRyu would accept that as an excuse. “So when a big girl shiki and a big boy shiki love each other very much ...”

“They kiss!” Tenkou squealed. “That’s icky to watch. Have you ever kissed a girl shiki?”

“Um, yes.” No good lying to her about that. She might go and ask her father. “And then when they love each other very, very much, there are some other icky looking things they do.”

“What icky looking things? I’ve never seen them do anything other than hold hands and kiss. Holding hands is not icky.”

“That’s because those things are so icky that we don’t do them where other people can see it. It’s ... um ... impolite.”

“But what are those things and where do you do them so nobody can see?”

“Um ... well, those things are called sex and you do them in your bedroom and lock the doors so people can’t walk in.” Touda wondered whether it would have been a good idea to lock the door before having this conversation. If someone walked in on them now, he’d never live it down. “And we don’t talk about it in polite conversation either.”

“Oh, but have you ever done sex?”

“Yes.” No, he was not going to say any more on that matter.

“Who was the girl shiki?”

“We don’t talk about that.”

“But ...”

“You wanted to know about parents, didn’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Right, so when a girl shiki and a boy shiki do those sex things they can make a new shiki, a child. And then the girl shiki is called that child’s mother and the boy shiki is its father.”

“And Kijin and I don’t have a mother, because we weren’t made that way.”

“Exactly.”

To Touda’s relief she let him get back to work after that and he had almost forgotten the whole conversation by dinnertime. Well, not really forgotten, but with the other guardians and Rikugou staying for the meal Touda really had bigger worries.

Or so he thought.

“Touda?” Tenkou asked across the table after finishing her soup.

“Yes, Tenkou?”

“Where is your child?”

“I don’t have any children.”

“But you said when a girl shiki and a boy shiki do those sex things, they make a child. And you also said you’d done them.”

Oh shit!

“And I also told you that you’re not to mention that in polite conversation.”

Byakko burst out laughing.

“Yes, but ...” Tenkou started up again.

“They don’t make a baby every time, Tenkou,” stated Rikugou calmly. “Else there’d be way too many babies.”

Now Suzaku was laughing as well. Touda breathed a little easier.

“Touda!” SohRyu’s shout made the entire hall tremble.

Judging, from the silence at the table, Touda knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was in a world of trouble, but seeing that particular shade of red on SohRyu’s face made it almost worth it. SohRyu couldn’t really kill him as long as Tsuzuki still needed him, after all.

Or at least Touda hoped so.






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