Congratulations, YOU HAVE FOUND A HIDDEN FILE. Go ahead and read if you like, but please keep in mind that I have hidden these for a reason. These are bad or controversial works that I am more ashamed of than my other work ... or in the words of Shakespeare
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended—
That you have but slumbered here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend.
If you pardon, we will mend.


Disclaimer 1: Most of this is fanfic. That means I do not own any of it. I just borrow it to play with for a little while and let people see the pathetic results if they really want to.

Disclaimer 2: I'm not making any money from it. It's just for fun.

Disclaimer 3: What isn't borrowed is all made up. None of this is real or most likely at all realistic. Please don't trust any of the information in here. Most likely you know more about whatever I'm writing about than I do.

Disclaimer 4: Attitudes, views and opinions expressed by the characters or in the story are not necessarily those of the author. Even when writing Science Fiction or Fantasy I do not tend to attempt to create perfect/better worlds in which everybody gets a happy end ... or whatever is best for them. Please accept that some characters will have a bad ending or be unhappy.

Disclaimer 5: I intend no insult to anyone. If I offend anyone I'm very sorry. Please understand that it was an accident as I tend to be very clumsy in these things.

Disclaimer 6: If my characters' conversations seem odd or they appear to be talking past each other the latter might occasionally be intentional, but most likely it is an accident and I'm not aware that they are. It's just my bad communication skills.




An Agreement


Title: An Agreement
Fandom: Yami No Matsuei
Characters: Touda, Tsuzuki
Prompt: 030. Death(s).
Word Count: 473.
Rating: PG
Summary: Tsuzuki and Touda talk about suicide.
Author's Notes: This was originally supposed to lead to Touda questioning Tsuzuki’s first suicide. Then it was going to be about Tsuzuki understanding Touda’s motivations better than Touda himself. How those two turned it into what it is now I have no idea, but JJ I believe this is what you asked for: I did the Death prompt without killing either of them! *is quite proud of self*




Tsuzuki settled down on the bed beside Touda. "So, do you feel any better?"

"I'm perfectly fine." Touda grumbled.

"That's not what the doctor says." Tsuzuki pointed out, leaning down to be closer to the serpent.

"That's from the cold," Touda allowed. "It drained my energy and that takes a few weeks of soaking up warmth to rebuild. And it's very nice and warm here. Now, if only people wouldn't come in and disturb my rest all the time, I couldn't be more comfortable."

Tsuzuki brushed a hand through Touda's hair. "You scared us."

Touda shrugged. Well, as much as he could while lying on his back at least.

"None of us want you dead, you know."

Another shrug.

"Touda ..."

"They'd be better off without me and they know it."

"Touda!"

"No, really. And you'd be fine. You've got eleven shiki of the highest level. You don't need me. My power's usually overkill anyway. If you absolutely need fire, Suzaku's the safer choice."

"It's not about powers, or safety, or fire." Tsuzuki said gently rubbing Touda's arm. "You're my friend. I'd miss you, not your stupid powers."

Touda squirmed uncomfortably. "Well, they wouldn't. And you'd get over it."

"No, I'd always miss you. I love all twelve of you, no matter whether anyone needs that many shiki or not. You're my friends, my ... my family."

Touda turned away from him, so Tsuzuki started to rub his back.

"Better family without me," the serpent said. "But that's not why I did it."

"Then why?"

There was a long silence. Then: "I don't know."

"Don't you?"

"I never really decided to do it. I just ... went to see that mountain and then I felt like lying down on that glacier ... and ... I just did it. I wasn't thinking I wanted to die or anything. Just ... just that it was a really nice glacier. ... I know that sounds weird. You can't understand. None of you can."

"No, I do understand," Tsuzuki said continuing to rub Touda's back.

"I died by suicide," he continued a little later. "Didn't think I was hurting anyone but myself back then either, but now I don't know. You couldn't see how badly you scared everybody, so maybe I couldn't either. You just ... We keep visiting, because we want you to know that you scared us and you'll hurt us, if you do it again."

Silence.

"Promise me that you won't try to kill yourself ever again, Touda. Please, just promise me that."

More silence.

"Not that." Touda said finally. "But I'll promise you something else. I promise you that I'll try to stay alive as long as you do. Once you're gone I'm free to go whenever I like."

"So I'll just have to live forever?"

Touda smiled. "I suppose you could try."






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