(Doubtful by Liviu)


The Abduction of Marian



Disclaimer 1: This is fanfic. That means I do not own any of it. I just borrow it to play with for a little while and let people see the pathetic results if they really want to.

Disclaimer 2: I'm not making any money from it. It's just for fun.

Disclaimer 3: What isn't borrowed is all made up. None of this is real or most likely at all realistic. Please don't trust any of the information in here. Most likely you know more about whatever I'm writing about than I do.

Disclaimer 4: Attitudes, views and opinions expressed by the characters or in the story are not necessarily those of the author. Even when writing Science Fiction or Fantasy I do not tend to attempt to create perfect/better worlds in which everybody gets a happy end ... or whatever is best for them. Please accept that some characters will have a bad ending or be unhappy.

Disclaimer 5: I intend no insult to anyone. If I offend anyone I'm very sorry. Please understand that it was an accident as I tend to be very clumsy in these things.

Disclaimer 6: If my characters' conversations seem odd or they appear to be talking past each other the latter might occasionally be intentional, but most likely it is an accident and I'm not aware that they are. It's just my bad communication skills.

Title: THE ABDUCTION OF MARIAN

Author: Not Silverfox! No, no, no, not! Please tell me I didn’t do this.

Rating and Warnings: Don’t read, if you’re a sane person over the age of about 10, I think. Intentional badfic!

Disclaimer: Not mine, except for Marian. She’s free to go to a good home ... any home actually!

Archive: Who’d want to?

Summary: Marian is a Mary-Sue.

Notes: In answer to the SRATSS list’s badfic challenge. I tried to do my very worst. Don’t say you haven’t been warned!

THE ABDUCTION OF MARIAN

The Star Sheriffs were just coming back from sending another bunch of Outriders back to their dimension, because that is what Star Sheriffs do all day.

April, who apparently hadn’t felt like coming along (after all shooting Outriders must get boring after a few hundred times) was waiting for them at the door of Cavalry Command (because where the hell else should Star Sheriffs go back to once all Outriders were gone?). She was smiling happily and jumping from one foot to the other in excitement.

“My twin sister Marian has just been made our new commander!” she announced beaming.

“Wonderful!” the Star Sheriffs exclaimed of course, though Saber did wonder a little why he’d never heard of Marian before.

But she was April’s sister, so this had to be great news even, if they really didn’t have room for a fifth person on the team.

Marian didn’t keep them waiting or wondering for long. She landed her super speed battle spaceship right next to them in front of Cavalry Command, even though the boys had had to leave their vehicles outside like everybody else.

She was even taller and blonder and more beautiful than April and the boys immediately fell in love with her. And because Marian was her sister April was very happy when Fireball forgot all about her and handed Marian a big bouquet of red roses as a welcome gift instead. (Because of course Star Sheriffs always come back from battle with a bouquet of flowers ready in case they find out they just acquired a new female and attractive commander that they don’t really need.)

Colt invited Marian to the ballet right away and Saber offered her a drink and she really would have loved to accept both their invitations, but unfortunately she didn’t have the time.

“I’m afraid I have to repair Ramrod now,” she declared and skipped right off to work in her simply wonderful white flowing dress.

The boys took one look at the way that dress swung around her and followed her right into Ramrod’s engine room, where the engine required repairing, as Marian had of course known, when the Star Sheriffs, who’d just come back from a mission onboard Ramrod, had not.

Marian graciously allowed April to hand her the tools she needed while repairing Ramrod and she even explained to the boys how her repairs would triple Ramrod’s speed and firepower.

Once that was done Marian, still in her spotless white dress, disappeared into the kitchen where she whipped up a delicious five course meal in less than five minutes.

Unfortunately the Star Sheriffs didn’t get to finish their meal, though, because just then an alarm sounded. A huge swarm of Outriders had popped into their dimension right above Cavalry Command to abduct Marian even though they’d never heard of her before any more than the Star Sheriffs had.

“Oh no!” Saber shouted. “Just what will we do?”

“Follow me!” Marian said unperturbed. “I know just what to do.”

She jumped into Saber’s saddle unit right away, so Saber had to take Fireball’s and Fireball took April’s and April just barely managed to slip into Colt’s, which meant that Colt was left to stand around grinning stupidly and admire how Marian expertly piloted Ramrod all on her own.

Marian took Ramrod into the air and shot down a few hundred, or maybe a thousand, Outriders until an army of Renegades arrived.

“Get into your vehicles!” Marian ordered the team. “I need you to shoot down those few leftover Outriders so I can handle the Renegades in peace.”

So the boys and April quickly jumped into their vehicles, or onto their horses and dashed out to confront the Outriders while Marian single-handedly transformed Ramrod into robot mode and plucked the Renegades apart.

Soon the Star Sheriffs landed in front of Cavalry Command to celebrate their victory. Commander Eagle had already decorated the big hall for them.

However Jesse Blue was waiting for them when they got out of Ramrod (because April and the boys had of course gotten back in after the Renegades had all been destroyed by Marian).

Jesse fell to his knees before Marian. “I love you,” he declared. “Will you marry me?”

“Oh that’s really sweet of you,” Marian answered. “But you’re such a mean bad guy that I just can’t marry you, I’m afraid. Please don’t feel bad about it.”

Jesse was absolutely devastated, but because Marian was so wonderful he just couldn’t be angry with her.

Now everybody else fell to their knees and asked Marian to marry them as well. (Well, everybody except April and Commander Eagle, because April was a girl and Commander Eagle was Marian’s father so neither of them could marry her.)

Marian looked at all the kneeling people. That was a really hard choice, because she liked all of them a lot and she could marry only one of them.

“Okay,” she declared. “I can’t marry all of you, so I pick ... I pick ...” she hesitated.

“I’ll marry Nemesis,” she finally decided. “And then we can have peace between our peoples.”

Nemesis was of course really delighted to hear that, but everybody else was disappointed. The victory celebration was quickly rearranged for a wedding, which of course became the biggest most wonderful wedding of all time, with the most beautiful bride ever and the best ever food and then Marian and Nemesis went off on their honeymoon and Jesse led the Outriders back into their own dimension, because they’d decided to resettle their home world which had exploded ages ago, but now thanks to Marian’s newly improved dimension jumping technology could be put back together.

The Star Sheriffs assembled to see them off and wave after them. When the ship was finally out of sight they sighed deeply. They would all miss Marian a lot.

“So,” Fireball asked the author cautiously. “Can we all go back to normal now? Please?”







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