April Fools Challenge Drabbles
This was it, Loki decided after Uriel departed with his oil paints. He wasn’t going to let another god invade his attic unpunished.
Two days, some wire, a pot of paint, several pillows from empty rooms and some springs later the door appeared sufficiently well defended and soon there was a chance to try it out.
“Loki!” the god called and opened the door.
The trap worked perfectly. A pot of paint dropped straight on his head covering him in neon pink and then followed a shower of feathers.
The god glared through downy feathers.
“Hello Odin,” Loki said meekly.
“You stepped on him!” War swung her sword at Raphael.
“He’s a cockroach!” Raphael protested taking a step back to evade her.
“He’s the Lord’s creature,” Uriel reminded him sternly. “You’re the healer. Heal him.”
“And don’t forget the genitals,” Ishtar added worriedly.
“He’s a cockroach!” Raphael repeated.
“I’ll gut you, if you don’t fix him right now!” War threatened.
“Not in my bar,” Belial plucked the half crushed cockroach out of Uriel’s hand, put it on the bar and sat the tiniest glass of carrot juice ever before it. “Now, what do the rest of you want to drink?”
“I thought you shouldn’t drink?” Belial asked Loki.
“Don’t want to be sober at the end of the world,” Loki muttered. “Does it even matter, if I’m dead?”
For someone who was drinking for the first time in years he didn’t sound nearly drunk enough.
“Another apocalypse? Who’s the new antichrist?”
“Don’t need one,” Loki assured him. “Just snails.”
“Yes, giant snails from space are going to eat the world. It was in some movie and now the humans all believe it, so it must happen.”
Belial threw his cleaning rag at him. “Come up with a better act.”
“A two bedroom suite for three weeks, please. Double bed for me and Mary, single for the boy, if possible.”
“Mum Dad, stop holding hands, it’s embarrassing!”
“Quit whining, this will be a lovely family holiday. It’ll do us all good.”
“Like I want to hang out with my parents all day. How old do you think I am?”
“You don’t have to hang out with us all day. We’re planning on having a lot of time just for us.”
“You’ll get to have fun with your cousin Adam.”
“He’s not my cousin!”
“I want my step-dad.”
At least the place had a colour TV. Jesus had finally managed to escape both his parents and the Them and was happily watching Dancing Stars when Lucifer walked in and kissed him right on the mouth.
Someone was giggling behind him. Jesus turned to see Gabriel and Phanuel clinging to an equally shaky Beelzebub to keep themselves upright.
“We are playing Truth or Dare,” Michael explained between giggles.
“But they’re not giving me a choice,” Lucifer complained. “They claim they don’t believe I can tell the truth.”
“Want to join us?” Dream offered. “It’s DEATH’s turn next.”
Loki squeezed through the gap and into the manor kitchen. Strange that the door was locked, but then it meant he was less likely to be caught. Now he only had to find the sugar and salt and …
“A cockroach!” Raphael’s foot missed him by less than an inch. What was he doing in here?
“You again!” Loki hastily shifted and threw the first object he could grab at the annoying angel. It happened to be an open pack of butter milk.
Raphael, red faced and dripping, threw the sugar bowl into Loki’s face. The contents tasted decidedly salty.
It was raining. Ishtar frowned and retreated into the lobby. The roads here were bad enough when they were dry. She had no intention of getting wet.
Rain, tank tracks, cockroaches and this morning Loki had run around as a horse. This place was filthy and uncomfortable. Why had she come here?
Ishtar needed a smoke. With shaking fingers she pulled out the cigarette and lit up. One big drag … ahhh, much better.
Suddenly there was a shrill ringing sound and water sprayed down from the ceiling plastering her hair and clothes to her skin and extinguishing the cigarette.